11.0 The Champions of Breakfast

Starring Erin, Mike, Adam, Josh & Jim
Filmed on Location in Beautiful Downtown Sellwood
Soundtrack: Rufus Wainwright by Rufus Wainwright

“I will take my coffee black…”

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in March when we had our first recorded Sellwood Kitchen breakfast. The usual gang was there, presently dubbed the “Sunday Morning Circle of Jerks”, as we marked the diameter of our low round table and issued forth our mockeries and other raw quotes and jokes from the TV and other things that are not TV.

A chicken-less meal at last? Yes, you Windsor-whipped tea-tippler – no chicken! Or rather, a potential chicken, as the main ingredient is the unfertilized hen’s egg. Erin’s making frittatas!

But first, let’s get a cup of coffee. I only started drinking coffee about 10 years ago. At work. Have you noticed how work breeds addictions? Now I drink it like a stereotype. We could brew a pot at home, but it’s so much more glamorous getting a cup out on the town. So before Adam and Josh show up, we met with my brother Jim at New Seasons for some fresh veg for the meal. Then walked over to SoTac Coffee & Cream (on the corner of 13th and Umatilla). Only, it’s not SoTac anymore – it’s l♥vecup! Jami & Jamie (or Jamie & Jami) own the place. You’ll recognize Jami (or Jamie) from the old SoTac. They brew a mean cup of joe and bake up a dynamite blueberry scone (get ‘em while they’re warm)!

Now the chemicals from without and within are balanced! Back home to the Sellwood Kitchen. Time for music. It’s Sunday morning – what do we listen to? I think Esquire or some glossy ad mag used to query celebrities about their “Favorite Sunday morning albums.” What is a “Sunday Morning Album?” For me, it’s something quiet yet lively, and maybe there’s a song about coffee on it. My faves? Well, that’s an article – nay! a book – in itself! But briefly, let’s say Judy Collin’s In My Life, Tom Waits’ Swordfishtrombones, Laura Nyro’s Eli and the 13th Confession… Really, any album, I guess, because any music anytime is good. So I put on Catch Bull at Four by Cat Stevens. What a great album! You probably don’t know anything from it.
I sure do yap a lot about music. Here’s some useful info: I’ve found some choice cheap vinyl (perfect for Sunday mornings) at the Sellwood Antique Mall on the corner of Se 13th and Lexington. I probably shouldn’t reveal this well-kept secret until I’ve scooped up the remaining Allen Sherman platters. Now back to our story…

Adam and Josh show up. The usual fanfare! It’s going to be a 10:30 breakfast. It’s going to be a brunch. It is brunch. The creation of it begins! Erin and Adam go to work. Jim, Josh and I hover over the pub table in the foyer eating red grapes and drinking mimosas (ingredients: orange juice and the cheapest champagne you can find). We trade “30 Rock” quotes. I throw on a Clancy Brothers album (Freedom’s Sons!). Cue olfactory – the wafting has begun!


We smell bacon, and Erin’s double batch of homemade biscuits is done! Garlic and onion rises!

Hot butter! While the cooks cook, Jim and I wolf down warm biscuits (sorry, Gluten Guy, have another grape…). For some unreasonable reason, Josh is aghast at how Adam butters his biscuit: He shmears it on top. I declared the move brilliant, as keeping the biscuit intact retains the flaky heat within! Josh thinks it’s weird. Jimmy shrugs and butters a biscuit.

We’re all very excited about breakfast! We discuss that touchtone film of the mid-80s, The Breakfast Club, and assign each other characters. I don’t remember who’s who, but I’m certain no one was eager to be Anthony Michael Hall. I put on the 5th Dimension’s Greatest Hits on Earth and just as Marilyn McCoo-ed “One Less Bell to Answer”, the frittatas were served! As per usual, Jimmy was presented the floor model (after it had been satisfactorily photographed).

What can I say? The breakfast was almost overwhelmingly delicious! The onions, the tomatoes, the spinach! But the asparagus! What an addition! In fact, let’s call it “Adam’s Asparagus Addition!” Who knew what flavor it would bring? Asparagus in a frittata is like a diamond nut on a golden bolt!

Mopping up the last bit of melted butter with the last crumbs of our biscuits, we hear a sighing Josh utter, “I’m ready for a nap.”

To which Adam seamlessly responds, “Cripes, I was ready for a nap when I woke up.”

Ha, ha! Those two! Let’s have a nap and coffee and walk and nap!

FRITTATA MONDATTA
Serves 5-6 (in two medium pans)

14 Eggs
1/2 Cup Milk
Butter
Turkey Bacon
8 Stalks Asparagus, segmentedChopped red onion
Garlic, also chopped
2 Tomatoes, chopped as well
Roasted Red Peppers
Fresh spinach
Shredded cheese (we used an Italian mix)

Cut bacon into one-inch pieces and fry in pan; put aside. In separate pan, cook down garlic and onion in butter for 3-5 minutes. Add asparagus. Wilt down spinach leaves and mix in with onions, asparagus and garlic. Stir in roasted red peppers. Reintroduce the bacon. Separate into two pans. Beat 14 eggs with 1/2 cup of milk and pour evenly into pans; cook on medium low until eggs are set. Sprinkle tomatoes on top. Add healthy, or unhealthy, dose of shredded cheese. Broil briefly until cheese is melted. Serve with biscuits, hash browns and mimosas. Get dibs on the couch and stay there until early afternoon. Then walk it off on the Springwater Trail.

The “In the Sellwood Kitchen” cast and crew can be contacted at: sellwoodkitchen@gmail.com

10.0 The Phoenix and the Fowl

Starring Erin, Mike, Adam, Josh & Jim
Filmed on Location in Beautiful Downtown Sellwood
Soundtrack: Your Favorite Songs about Birds

“I gave my love a chicken, it had no bone…”

Quiet now. Easy. Mustn’t make any sudden movements. They frighten easily, these little birds. Yes, YES! There it is! Right on the plate, awaiting its marinade. Yep, chicken again. I’ve been toying with changing the name of this column to “In the Sellwood Chicken.” Still, it’s chicken – you can do a lot with it. And it’s cheap. After all, I write the column pro-bono. Unlike this month’s recipe, which is “no-bono.” Boneless, that is. But more about the recipe later. Let me build up a few paragraphs with my blather.


Tonight’s Sellwood Kitchen is at SK2, Adam & Josh’s house. Tonight’s meal, in keeping with the advantages of home turf, is also Adam’s, or rather, an old family recipe. With both he and Erin at the stove, Josh, my brother Jim (newest resident of Sellwood and Knight of the Short Table), and I drool in the living room.

Meanwhile, Jack the dog is ALL OVER EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. He’s a lanky fellow. Like one of those Land Striders from “Dark Crystal.” You know what I mean? I feel like a Garthim when I walk through the door. You get that one? I wish there were a few LIVE chickens in here to keep him busy!

I try to keep these articles fairly entertaining. Our Friend Dinners are always fun for us, but I suppose reading about them can be a little dry: We drink wine, laugh, eat dinner, laugh, watch TV, laugh, and everyone goes home. Yet we are not so different from the chicken, are we? Seemingly predictable, its bland even whiteness gives no more than a content nod to our taste buds. Until, of course, the culinary skills of Our Chefs transform this simple bird into a glorious phoenix of tang! I am thus inspired to transform these words on birds from plain copy into a monozygote of literature.


You ever read Harold Pinter? (“No, have you?”) Yes, actually, I have. I started a couple of days ago by devouring a few easy pieces. So I’m an expert now. British playwright, Pinter is, known for complex dialogue, broken by dramatic pauses and silence. I’d like to present a small portion of this piece in the style of Pinter:

VOICE #1

I’m always welcome to flip through Adam & Josh’s LPs but the radio seems to provide a suitable condition. I can tell by the crackle and jazz it’s KMHD (89.1 on your FM dial!). The jazz station out of Mt. Hood Community College is the most consistently safe signal on air, but I mean safe in the sense of free from morning talk-show DJs.
(Pause)

VOICE #2

Why don’t we have any snacks?

VOICE #1

They just play jazz. When someone stops me to ask if I listened to “Mark & Brian” or “Frick & Frack”, I shout a gregarious “Yes!” and pat them on the shoulder as I continue on. Egad! Give me some music! Maybe little news, maybe little traffic and I’m fine. Tonight, however, being Valentine’s Day, the speakers poured sugar-free honey into our laps – a lot of “smooth jazz”, the neutral vanilla of popular music.
(Pause)

VOICE #2
I’m not feeling feelings anymore.

VOICE #1

So the music fades into the background, and soon into memory. The true music of the night is the laughter – a box set’s worth.
(Pause)

VOICE #3

Liverwurst is the poor man’s pate.

And…Scene! Well done. Let’s eat! This is the first time I’ve ever had Chicken Cacciatore. It’s one of those recipes you always hear about but are never served. Like succotash or a$1000 burger.

Adam plates up the first dish. The “display copy” I call it. The one we photograph for the article. Jimmy eats the display copy. It’s almost a double serving. We devour it! The noodles seem plush to Adam. “Teddy bear noodles,” says Erin. “Build-a-Bear noodles,” adds Josh. Modified for our resident gluten-intolerant friend, the meal is a triumph, pleasing to the tongue, easy on the belly. I’m happy to report that olive oil was used in place of the suggested ingredient, which was “hot fat.”

Look, there on the horizon! The reliable chicken transformed, rising in a fireball of hot fat to the heavens! The phoenix reborn! Arcing in a maelstrom of Chinese fireworks towards the brightest stars of Ursa Major, a celestial ladle full of the wine of life!


HOW TO CACCIATORE A CHICKEN

6 servings Boneless Chicken Breasts and/or thighs
1 Cup of Cooking Sherry
2 Cloves Garlic Chopped
Rice Flour
Salt & pepper
Olive Oil
2 Cups Onion finely chopped
1 ½ Cup of Green Pepper finely chopped
1 Tsp Salt
1 Tsp Parsley chopped
1 ½ Tsp Curry Powder
2/3 Tsp White Pepper
1 ½ Tsp Thyme
Approx 30 Oz Canned Tomatoes
6 Oz Can Tomato Paste

Marinate chicken in mixture of sherry and 1 clove chopped garlic for 2 hours in refrigerator. Remove chicken from sherry. Save marinade. Season with salt & pepper and roll in flour. Fry in oil until golden brown. Re-serve in warm oven. Combine onions, peppers and remaining garlic. Sauté in oil from chicken until tender, stirring constantly. Stir in 1 tsp salt, pepper, curry powder and thyme. Add tomatoes, paste and parsley. Stir in sherry marinade. Heat. Pour sauce over chicken, cover and bake at 350 degrees for approximately 50 minutes. Serve over rice or spaghetti (we went for brown rice spaghetti! It’s a GLUTEN-FREE meal).

The “In the Sellwood Kitchen” cast and crew can be contacted at: sellwoodkitchen@gmail.com

9.0 The Lorange

Starring Erin, Mike, Adam & Josh
Filmed on Location in Beautiful Downtown Sellwood
Soundtrack: “Zoom” by Robert Pollard

“Brought you your snack…”

The first “In the Sellwood Kitchen” of the year! Sure there was the January issue, but I think I wrote that in November… So, 2008, you hungry?

Well, it was a cold January night when our guests arrived. Their wool gloves and caps further confirmed an evening plunging towards absolute zero. We shut the door quickly to prevent the heat’s exit, where it no doubt would have burst into steam, solidified, and fallen like a frozen chicken to the garden below.

Adam and Josh brought three bottles of wine. Wait, was it three bottles? White, red and red. That’s a lot of wine! They’re good friends and also fed our cats while we were away. (As I write, one of those cats is staring at my glass of milk with an intensity matched only by my own staring at the meal Erin was about to prepare.) What an awkward sentence! Let’s wash the taste of poor syntax out of our mouths with this month’s repast!

I began with French bread, dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and slices of cheddar and gruyere, whose flavor is distinctive yet not overpowering, with a glass of organic Syrah. I purchased the Syrah both for its organic origin and for its label which depicted a crude rendering of Don Quixote, because my favorite musical is “Man of La Mancha.” The CD resissue sits in my collection sandwiched between the “Lenny” and “The Royal Tenenbaums” soundtracks.

Whilst Josh and I hovered over the appetizers in the foyer, Adam assisted Our Chef Erin in the kitchen. Earlier she had prepared the marvelous mixture designed for stuffing into the chicken breasts. I love music and it’s all I think about (except for Erin and ribald cartoons). I relate everything to it. I usually spout a lyric to complement any random comment one might issue. So when I considered the four ingredients in the ambrosial fill, legendary quartets sprung to mind: the Beatles, the Replacements, the Martyrs, We Five, the Kingston Trio…

Erin chopped and combined fresh basil, sundried tomatoes, feta cheese and garlic. The latter was prepared with a gadget called a “garlic zoom”. Maybe that’s a brand name and should be capitalized. Regardless, one inserts the cloves into the “moon roof” of the two-wheeled, internally-bladed device and ZOOM! Instant chopped garlic! Fun to roll, but a bugger to clean.

In a small white bowl, the ingredients become one. But, says Erin, “This is not schmear stuffing; this is not a spread.” Suddenly she speaks Yiddish! What she means is the filling is better scooped into the folded breasts. Next, said chicken is pounded flat. Simultaneously, Josh and I pound back another glass of wine. (But don’t confuse our “friends’ dinners” with frat boy keggers; I exaggerate the drinking for literary pop.)

So after the chicken is stuffed and slid in the oven, a spinach salad is prepared. A lemon is requested, so I produced the one I’d purchased earlier at New Seasons. Erin said get a “biggish” lemon. So that’s what I got, though something nagged me about its coloring. In the light of the kitchen, Adam asked, “Is that an orange?” for indeed, it was much more orange in color than I had suspected. But it was lemon-shaped, with nippled rinds on both ends. Yet when they cut in open, it still looked like an orange. However, the taste was unmistakably lemony. With a hint of orange.

“It’s a ‘lorange’” declared Adam. We all laughed; I found the term “Seussical”: “I am the Lorange. I speak for the cross-pollinated.”

As the oven became a bathysphere of succulence, we continued nibbling at cheese and bread, chatting, and quoting Saturday Night Live bits. You know, the usual. Soon enough, dinner was ready. Plated with painstaking finesse by Adam (“Sorry the meat’s cold,” joked Erin, “it took too long to make it look pretty!”), the meal begged our indulgence. We sat around the living room coffee table (floor seating for four comfortably), and sliced into the stuffed chicken, saliva pouring from our chops in time with the flood of exaltations! “Holy cats, that’s good!” A cross-section revealed what can only be described as “the marrow of God”. Served with Erin’s special spicy sweet potato oven fries and a tangy spinach salad ("Anyone who doesn't like spinach is my emeny." – Popeye), we dined contentedly, satisfied from the first bite.

The wine and a perpetually nagging nostalgia led Erin and Josh to an inevitable discussion of Disneyland, and the desire to return. (I quickly surmised this would be the conversation of the night.) We’d been there for our honeymoon and Erin’s been numerous other times, as has Josh. But Adam and I are freshlings to the Kingdom of Magic. Out came the guide books, the brochures, the 10-minute slideshow Erin had put together. Stuffing our maws with stuffed chicken, she suggested we all go to there, perhaps with Josh and Adam on their honeymoon someday. We decided we’d travel well together. Quite a mouse-ear wearing quartet!

It’s a long drive – I’d better make a cooler of “lorangade!”

FAB FOUR STUFFED CHICKEN

4 Chicken breasts
1/2 cup Feta cheese
2/3 cup Sundried tomatoes
2/3 cup Fresh basil
3 Cloves Garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
Olive oil
1/2 cup cheap white wine
1 tbsp lemon juice
Zest of lemon (or lorange!)

Mix well sundried tomatoes, feta cheese crumbles, chopped garlic and fresh basil in small bowl. Season to taste with salt & pepper. Pound out four chicken breasts to 1/4 inch. Spoon equal amounts of stuffing onto center of each breast. Fold over and secure with toothpick. Place stuffed breasts in oiled baking dish. Season chicken with salt & pepper, dried basil, zest of lemon, lemon juice and a 1/2 cup of cheap white wine (if you can pry it away from your guest). Bake at 400 degrees. Serve with rice pilaf. (Again, we went for the sweet potato oven fries, but that’s just because we’re hooked on them…)

The “In the Sellwood Kitchen” cast and crew can be contacted at: sellwoodkitchen@gmail.com